So – Jesus called me a weirdo.
I know Biblically I could cause an argument right now. But He didn’t call me a weirdo in a bad way. He called me a weirdo in a joking way.
It made me laugh.
He makes me laugh.
He knows my heart.
He gets my sense of humor … He created it.
I posted a Facebook Live video the other day in regards to bringing all of you and placing it into Jesus – ‘bringing fully you and placing it into fully Him’ specifically.
That day I was wrestling. The day was great, my outlook was great, and as I entered my daughter’s 3rd grade orientation at her school and ‘out of nowhere’ I kept hearing in my mind “You don’t belong, you don’t fit.”
This is one of the enemy’s oldest lies that he uses on me. It has worked for years to shut me down by making me feel insecure, inferior, and lonely.
But on this particular day that I mentioned above – the voice wasn’t so much ‘inside’ my head. It was more outside of me. I know that may not make sense but basically it was VERY clear that it was a lie.
I mean, I’ve known it’s a lie for a long time but this time it didn’t feel apart of me anymore.
I counteracted the lie by saying out loud with an attitude and boldness (like a crazy person walking through the halls) “I do belong here. I do fit. My daughter, a student, goes to this school and I am her parent. Parent / Student Orientation.” Then I entered the classroom.
In the car on the way home that evening I was in that place where you feel you’re on the verge of breakthrough with God (and not that I was struggling or anything – I was just wrestling in my spirit over a new season that I know God is calling me to).
I didn’t have words so I just burst into tears and cried out to God, screaming my head off and proclaiming truth and prophesying over myself and my life and thanking Him for Who He is and all He’s done and all He’s doing.
Then my mouth and spirit were silent. I felt peace as I pulled off to a parking lot and just sat there in the stillness and attempted to clean the mascara marks off of my face.
I gathered myself and went to a gas station to put gas in my husband’s car (which I didn’t really feel like doing but he asked me if I would – so I did). So many things went wrong while I was at the gas station. I knew they were going wrong but I didn’t really pay much attention.
The pumps were full so I had to wait until someone else finished but once they did I pulled up and began pumping gas. My heart and mind were so focused on Jesus in the moment and I realized my foot was getting wet. I looked down and saw gas was coming from the back part of the gas pump handle.
I released the metal on the handle that makes it automatically pump and then squeezed it tighter and opened the metal piece again and the gas stopped spilling out of the back part where the hose meets the handle. I let the gas continue to pump as I continued to focus on Jesus.
Right then The Holy Spirit said to me – “Have you noticed everything that has gone wrong while you are attempting to get gas?”
I answered, “Ha! Yeah.”
He said, “It hasn’t even phased you.”
I responded with, “Hm. You’re right. It hasn’t.”
He said, “And you didn’t even want to be here getting gas because you’re tired and just wanted to go home but out of an act of kindness and service to Tony you came over here without grumbling or complaining.”
“Yeah, I guess.” I said.
Then He said, “That gas was spilling on your foot and although you realized it was happening you weren’t thrown off by it because we have been standing here in communion this whole time.
Plus, you already know that the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy. You know that your flesh and spirit are in conflict with one another. You know that the enemy is going to try to distract and frustrate you – you’re past that. He’s there, he exists, he’s the father of lies – moving on.
April, life happens. Things go wrong. Things don’t work out according to plan sometimes. People disappoint. Relationships get bruised. My calling on your life may freak you out a little – but all you have to do is keep your focus on me. That’s it.”
You guys! Tears started streaming and relief came over me and I’m not even kidding you the puddle from where the gas spilled was gone and my foot was dry.
Now I know that it was a hot night and the gas could evaporate BUT … I didn’t even smell like gas. At all. It was as if the gas spill never happened.
What the?!?!? Come on, y’all.
I finished at the gas station, pulled over in an isolated place and …. cried. A good cry.
As I sat there The Spirit started to speak so clearly to me and take me back to things in my childhood. Awesome things.
“April, you were a young child with the fire of God in your belly and you didn’t even know me yet. Remember when you used to have ‘God parties’ and you would get two cups of water and bring them to your little table in your room and invite me to drink water and hang out with you? [*Sidenote* I TOTALLY did that! lol! Don’t know why, didn’t grow up in church or hearing about God like that … I just did this random God Party … a lot!]
Remember when you were afraid and you would ask me to hold your hand and we would snuggle at night? Remember when you were in elementary school and you would save me a seat at lunch?” [*Sidenote* I TOTALLY did this too! I would literally tell people they couldn’t sit beside me because Jesus was sitting there. What?!]
Then he continued,
“To some degree you are always gonna [*sidenote* Jesus says ‘gonna’ *End sidenote*] feel like you don’t belong. I mean, you used to save me a seat a lunch, you weirdo! But don’t be discouraged. This is why being connected with the local church and the global church, The Body, is so important. They are weirdos too. You belong with them and you belong overall.”
I was so encouraged and laughed so hard. I’m like, “Jesus – did you just call me a weirdo?!” LOL!
So anyway – all that to say, I found the picture above from a while back. That’s my son jumping off the slide. One of his teachers sent it to me last winter.
The timing of this picture was interesting. I opened it and started cracking up. The children are in community and they’re grouped together – but my boy – my little weirdo is jumping off the slide … not sliding … but jumping. Look at the joy on his face.
God created each one of us in a very unique, weird way. It’s not by accident that you might feel out of place in certain areas. The main place the enemy is attacking you is most likely the main place God wants to use you.
If Satan can keep you tied up and insecure in that area – then he’ll render you useless in what God is calling you to. AND you know God is calling you to it. You may not know all the details or how it’s going to happen but it is never our place to know the details of ‘how’, it’s our job to move in obedience and watch God orchestrate the ‘how’.
Do you have that fire in your belly too? I believe you do. I know I’m not in this alone.
I’m here to tell you, just as the scripture says, when we seek him with all our hearts – we’ll find him.
“Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. 13 You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.” – Jeremiah 29:12-13
Revival is coming, y’all. God is moving in mighty ways – right here, right now. You need to be apart of this. You have something in you that needs to get out. We need it. I need it. We’re not complete as the Body of Christ without it.
Maybe that ‘weird’ thing you run from is actually the reason you were created – to carry that thing and somehow reveal God’s glory through it??!!?!?
My son, Sway, inspires me so much. I look at him and see boldness. He’s gentle and sweet but he makes up his mind easily and he doesn’t think twice. He doesn’t second guess, he doesn’t doubt himself, he’s had lies proclaimed over his life but never knew about them – never heard them – never believed them – never operated (or shut down) under them.
A clear picture of what The Holy Spirit was telling me at the gas pump – Yes, Satan exists. We know he’s there spewing lies constantly BUT we’re moving on. We can choose not to hear them, believe them, operate under them, and shut down because of them. Let’s not put too much focus on the lies of the enemy and instead keep our time, energy, focus on the Truth that sets us free.
You don’t have to carry the lies that have been spoken over you either. You want to jump off the slide? Jump! Who cares if others seem to have it altogether and you don’t? Who cares if it looks weird? Who cares if it will make people stare, or judge, or talk …. guess what? They’re gonna talk whether you do it or don’t do it – SO DO IT!
This passion comes from such a deep place in my heart. It overflows because I have seen and SEE how God can take a freakin’ hot mess express like myself and make beauty out of it. Even when it’s hard to see sometimes – I know what He has done. I can’t take any credit for it.
My desire is that you would know him in a way that’s not dead religion, or a bunch of rules and expectations you can never live up to, or based off of what Granny and ‘nem told you about Jesus (unless they told you the Truth about how his greatest desire is to LOVE YOU and you don’t have to do anything to EARN that love).
I pray that you would have a life altering encounter with Jesus that would leave you wrecked (in the best way ever). That would have you walking through elementary school halls talking to ‘yourself’ (rebuking the Devil). That would have you spilling gas on your foot and yet it never touched you and then you write about it – as if that’s not weird.
We are weird. We’re gonna be weird. Jesus was weird when he walked this earth too.
Weird is the way to go, folks.
Gosh, I love Jesus and I love you – you weirdo.