Alright, girl. Let’s be honest. You ever see a post of your best friend out with another chick and you feel a little insecure … maybe a little jealous? It’s like you feel betrayed but you know that’s dumb … but it doesn’t change the way you feel?
I used to experience this insecurity a lot when I was younger and recently have been hearing more about this insecurity while talking with women so I thought it would be a good time to blog about the subject.
We see so many posts about how other women have these amazing friends and they’re together 24/7, they text all day, they pray together and have margaritas and chips and salsa on girls night, they have play dates galore and their straight up BESTIES. But you never see the posts about their insecurity and therefore it’s easy to feel like you’re the only chick who ever has insecurity when it comes to her friends. So what do you do when your insecure and jealous about your friend being with someone else?
Your friend is your friend – but she’s also allowed to have other friends as well. You see, the beautiful thing about healthy relationships is that you can’t force a person to stay in your life. They just choose to be there because they want to… because they love you. You choose to be there for them as well for the same reasons.
It’s a sweet exchange and once you fully grasp the fact that you have no control over their decision to stay or go, it will really make you appreciate the people in your life a lot more! I often think with my girlfriends, “Dang! You keep showing back up!” I’m honored. Seriously.
So about the insecurity. It’s okay. I mean, don’t dwell on it but it’s okay to have that feeling. However, don’t give the enemy a foothold to kick you around. Remember that the devil comes to kill, steal, and destroy. If your friend is a really good friend who pushes you closer to Jesus – the devil wants to destroy that relationship for sure!
That sneaky snake will lie to you and whisper all kinds of junk in your ear when you see that photo of your friend and her friend pop up on Instagram stating they’re having so much fun together and how much they love each other and how grateful they are to be in each other’s lives. (That was a REALLY long run-on sentence and I’m not fixing it because this is my blog and I don’t have to. lol!)
Your friend sharing her heart with others doesn’t take away from her sharing her heart with you. That’s important to remember especially among women. Our natural instinct is to compete. We’re also apart of a culture that thrives on competition. Your friend’s friend is not going to steal your ‘spot’. So tell Satan to get behind you and take silly thoughts captive.
Growing up I was involved in friendships where there was major competition and if you didn’t hold your spot you would get booted. Rejection is never fun but it taught me a lot about friendship. It taught me a lot about the type of friend I wanted to be and the type of women I wanted in my life.
I choose my friends. I choose how close I let people get to me and my heart. I choose where I spend my time and who I spend my time with. I don’t waste time with drama, gossip, or competition. The close women in my life are good. Their hearts are precious and they would never want to hurt the people they love.
My friends choose me back. They choose how close I get to them and their hearts. They choose if they want to spend time with me. They could choose to walk away at any moment and never look back … they’re free to do that and although it would hurt, neither my life nor their lives would end because of it. Life would go on. I’m glad they stay though. :o) It’s a healthy exchange.
No one owes you anything so be grateful for the sweet friendships that you have in your life. Let them have the freedom to have other friends just as you have the freedom as well. You don’t like a pressurized relationship, right? Neither do they.
She’s your friend. She’s apart of your story and your apart of hers. You’re not in bondage to each other. You’re in a sweet, free flowing friendship and that’s a precious thing, girl!
You are dearly loved!
*Side Note* If you are paranoid that your friend is trying to hurt you because that’s the type of character she has – then girlfriend … that is NOT a friend. I would suggest you start mingling with other women (outside of your group) asap! Guard your heart. Throw off all the drama that is hindering you from stepping out into what God has called you to do. Toxic people will keep you stuck and ain’t nobody got time for that.