When Someone Calls Your Best Friend Their Best Friend

friends

Alright, girl.  Let’s be honest.  You ever see a post of your best friend out with another chick and you feel a little insecure … maybe a little jealous? It’s like you feel betrayed but you know that’s dumb … but it doesn’t change the way you feel?

I used to experience this insecurity a lot when I was younger and recently have been hearing more about this insecurity while talking with women so I thought it would be a good time to blog about the subject.

We see so many posts about how other women have these amazing friends and they’re together 24/7, they text all day, they pray together and have margaritas and chips and salsa on girls night, they have play dates galore and their straight up BESTIES.  But you never see the posts about their insecurity and therefore it’s easy to feel like you’re the only chick who ever has insecurity when it comes to her friends. So what do you do when your insecure and jealous about your friend being with someone else?

Your friend is your friend – but she’s also allowed to have other friends as well.  You see, the beautiful thing about healthy relationships is that you can’t force a person to stay in your life.  They just choose to be there because they want to… because they love you.  You choose to be there for them as well for the same reasons.

It’s a sweet exchange and once you fully grasp the fact that you have no control over their decision to stay or go, it will really make you appreciate the people in your life a lot more!  I often think with my girlfriends, “Dang! You keep showing back up!” I’m honored.  Seriously.

So about the insecurity.  It’s okay.  I mean, don’t dwell on it but it’s okay to have that feeling.  However, don’t give the enemy a foothold to kick you around.  Remember that the devil comes to kill, steal, and destroy.  If your friend is a really good friend who pushes you closer to Jesus – the devil wants to destroy that relationship for sure!

That sneaky snake will lie to you and whisper all kinds of junk in your ear when you see that photo of your friend and her friend pop up on Instagram stating they’re having so much fun together and how much they love each other and how grateful they are to be in each other’s lives. (That was a REALLY long run-on sentence and I’m not fixing it because this is my blog and I don’t have to. lol!)

Your friend sharing her heart with others doesn’t take away from her sharing her heart with you.  That’s important to remember especially among women.  Our natural instinct is to compete.  We’re also apart of a culture that thrives on competition. Your friend’s friend is not going to steal your ‘spot’.  So tell Satan to get behind you and take silly thoughts captive.

Growing up I was involved in friendships where there was major competition and if you didn’t hold your spot you would get booted.  Rejection is never fun but it taught me a lot about friendship.  It taught me a lot about the type of friend I wanted to be and the type of women I wanted in my life.

I choose my friends.  I choose how close I let people get to me and my heart.  I choose where I spend my time and who I spend my time with. I don’t waste time with drama, gossip, or competition.  The close women in my life are good.  Their hearts are precious and they would never want to hurt the people they love.

My friends choose me back. They choose how close I get to them and their hearts.  They choose if they want to spend time with me. They could choose to walk away at any moment and never look back … they’re free to do that and although it would hurt, neither my life nor their lives would end because of it. Life would go on. I’m glad they stay though. :o)   It’s a healthy exchange.

No one owes you anything so be grateful for the sweet friendships that you have in your life.  Let them have the freedom to have other friends just as you have the freedom as well.  You don’t like a pressurized relationship, right?  Neither do they.

She’s your friend.  She’s apart of your story and your apart of hers.  You’re not in bondage to each other.  You’re in a sweet, free flowing friendship and that’s a precious thing, girl!

You are dearly loved!

April

*Side Note* If you are paranoid that your friend is trying to hurt you because that’s the type of character she has – then girlfriend … that is NOT a friend.  I would suggest you start mingling with other women (outside of your group) asap! Guard your heart. Throw off all the drama that is hindering you from stepping out into what God has called you to do.  Toxic people will keep you stuck and ain’t nobody got time for that.  

  

 

 

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “When Someone Calls Your Best Friend Their Best Friend

  1. Hi April!

    Thank you for this post! It is SO what I struggle with, even though like you said, I know it’s dumb or silly!

    I was in a wonderful bible study where the women really helped me get back on my feet. Well, I was and still do go through insecurity. I got upset at an ongoing, never ending bible study FB group message. I had posted a few times, in which no one responded. Then I saw others being responded to right away. So of course I let the enemy let me think that what I said wasn’t important to them nor important at all. Then I start realizing this group message was really not good for me, so I decided to leave it. But only after saying something about them not responding, then deleting it. The Bible study leader saw what I said before I deleted it….oops!

    This leader and friend of mine got angry and messaged me that my behavior was exhausting at Group lately and then how I acted on the group conversation. She kept saying that my attitude was exhausting two or three more times. This really hurt me, especially coming from her, as I do struggle a lot with insecurity. I told her that I left the group message, because I realized being in that message the was not healthy for me and I just needed to leave it.

    So since then, we haven’t spoken, but she has been really kind to me on FB, and I’m hoping to meet her for reconciliation soon. She is willing.

    Another issue is that one of the girls from the Bible study who we loaned our car too, ended up not being truthful and making excuses every time we asked for it back. We didn’t ask her to pay anything and she really abused that privilege, though she will deny the whole thing. We finally got it back 4 months later, when we thought she only planned to have it a few months. She made no attempt to communicate with us, even when I called her on the day we asked for it back. She stalled do another few days and I had to mention the police. I even found out the Address where she had moved to, as she had not told us. I spoke to her roommate and her roommate was kicking her out by the end of the month. She was also done with her. Anyway, I don’t feel that I should go back to that Bible study, knowing that she would be there.

    All this to say, I realize that God had given me that Bible study exactly when I needed it. And now he has brought other groups of women and studies that I need at this time in my life. I love how God has taken care of me and taught me more of himself, in the process.

    Thanks again and would love to meet you in person someday, before heaven, if possible!

    Shari Sent from my iPhone

    >

    • Hi Shari, sometimes you do have to distance yourself if it’s not healthy for you. I used to be apart of small groups and tried so hard to make friendships happen with the women around me. I was so needy and insecure that the women set boundaries with me to guard their own hearts and I could tell they weren’t letting me get as close to them. It wasn’t until God healed my heart and started teaching me how to guard my own heart that I understood how important it was to love women where they are – but allow God to change them and not me. It’s not our place to change someone or heal them. It’s our job to love God and love others. We can trust God with the hearts of the women we love. I trust and believe that God didn’t let me get in close relationship with those women because my expectations were so outrageous and I would have destroyed the relationships. I wanted people to fix me and if they couldn’t … I would get emotional and react out of that emotion. As we surrender and trust God with our hearts and our relationships He takes care of it all. He is so faithful. I sure would love to meet you in person some day. Maybe I’ll be traveling in the near future and able to meet you face to face. I’m so grateful to be connected to you. Have a great weekend!

  2. Hey there!
    Very true. I think we all do have to wrestle with that little inner seed of a competitive heart. But it’s a huge deal to grow up and realize you can’t control someone else, and you have no right to. 😛
    I’d say I went through his phase in tween-hood, possessive of my friends who were supposed to be MY friends, not my sister’s, for example.
    Not like I was aggressive or vocal about it. It just hurt inside.
    Thank goodness for all the points we reach in life where we recognize the silly things for what they are and can choose selflessness or selfishness. And try again when we fail…

I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s