4 Tips For The Emotional Responder

businesswoman in anger

Are you an emotional responder?  Here’s some very valuable advice:

Ready?

Don’t be.

That’s the advice.

Don’t be.

Don’t be an emotional responder.

It’s cray-cray and it makes you look cray-cray and you don’t have time for it.

You’re better than that.

In all honesty I know that’s easier said than done because if it were easy no one would be emotional responders.  The flesh is so satisfied when you get to tell someone off and give them a piece of your mind.

Defending yourself and getting the last word may feel good for the moment … but is it really worth it?

If you’re tired of being an emotional responder and want to make a change I’ve got something for you.

Here are 4 tips to help you get unstuck, have self control and NOT be an emotional responder.

Step Away 

When you feel that ball of fire rise up in your chest – RUN! Get away from the situation as quick as possible.  The worst thing you can do is let that ferocious ball of fire move from your chest to your tongue and out into the atmosphere.

 

Detaching yourself from the environment where the drama is going down allows you to collect your thoughts.  Trust me, it’s better to fume alone than to spew that poison all over the place.

Leave. Get away. Remove the temptation to stoop to their level by fleeing the scene.

Take Deep Breaths

I know you hear that a lot but that’s because it’s so helpful.  You can read my post on proper breathing techniques here . When we’re stressed we tend to breath very shallow which keeps us in a state of high tension.

It’s hard to think clearly when you’re holding your breath – don’t you think?

So once you get away, focus on your breathing.  Get your breathing under control and your emotions will follow.

Let It Out

By that I mean pray, write in your journal, and/or talk to a trusted friend.

I’ve been a Christ Follower over 10 years now and I know that some Christians might frown upon this – but just hear me out.

Talk to someone you trust.  Now, the christian response “should” be to go talk to Jesus and pray about what has you so ticked – I don’t disagree, however, if you’re an extrovert (with ADD) like me you have to talk to think.  I need to go to a trusted source (just one) and blurt out all the chaos.  Once I’ve heard myself say all the crazy things I needed to get out of my head I have a more solid perspective.

My friend (or my husband most of the time) that I talk to is not there to fix the problem.  They’re there to be a sound board for me. This is why you have to talk to a TRUSTED source who knows you very well.

Another outlet for me is to journal.  Writing makes me slow down but allows me to get all the clutter out. You have no idea how much better you feel once you write out your emotion.  Often times you just need to get that ball of fire out of you and to place it on paper is quiet, private, and allows the relief of getting the frustration out of your mind.

I don’t mean to put Jesus last – but for me I can’t stay focused long enough to talk to Jesus if I don’t clear out some of the clutter in my mind first.  Don’t get me wrong, there have been plenty of times where I have thrown myself at the feet of Jesus first, with no words, just screams of frustration and tears, and that was totally okay.  But in my world it’s usually a chat with my husband or writing in my journal (which I talk to Jesus in there) and then sharing my heart with Jesus through prayer.

Ultimately the answers, the relief, the healing, all that … it comes from Jesus so just be sure you find your way to Him and don’t delay on inviting Him into the chaos – even if it’s not pretty or fits into the ‘christian mold’ – come to Him just as you are.  I promise you you’ll never regret running to Jesus.

Is It Worth A Response?

Once you’ve gotten through the first three steps of cooling down you should have enough clarity to decide if a response is necessary.

Was it a close, trusted friend that upset you?  Then yes, you probably should have an adult conversation with that person once you’re completely cooled down and level headed.

Was it the same ol’ person who always makes you mad at work?  Probably not worth a response. You see, by following these steps you are increasing the strength of your ‘tolerance muscle’.  The more you exercise this muscle of self-control, you’re able to move on much quicker each time.   There is nothing wrong with a mature conversation to tell someone (especially if you’re in contact with them a lot) how you feel but often times it’s not even worth rehashing.

Is this person a hater?  Then I can help you out and tell you it’s not worth another second of your energy.  Haters gon’ hate.  Throw that junk off.  Healed people heal people, hurt people hurt people. It’s not personal, girlfriend.  Let your heart break for them.  Not because you’re looking down on them – but because they were created with gifts, talents, and purpose but they’re not doing anything with them.

 

Remember that as you journey along the enemy is always going to be looking for opportunities to trip you up and load you down with heavy weights and chains that are distractions from the race that God has mapped out for you.

Ask yourself ‘is this a Godly interruption or a demonic distraction?’  That answer will clearly define if you stop to pay any attention to it or if you just keep on keepin’ on.

God has a plan for your life. He created you on purpose with purpose and the longer you stay trapped under the weight of people and silliness – the more the precious time God has given you is stolen from your journey.

Keep practicing these 4 tips to help you gain self control and run with perseverance.

You are dearly loved.

April

 

What’s Your Purpose?

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Do you lack purpose? Don’t even know what your purpose is? Do you feel as if  you’re constantly searching?

It seems like everyone is wanting to offer an encouraging word and help you discover your purpose in life, right?!

I get that because I feel most alive when I am helping someone else who wants the help.  If I could spend each day just helping people (and get paid for it) I would. I mean, I help people now and encourage folks because that just comes natural to me – but you know what I mean!

Like – my JOB, my PAID job is to encourage people.  Um.  YES!

Anyway.

The other day I was in the book store browsing the Christian books.  I can’t even tell you how overwhelmed I was by how many authors have written on the topic of finding your purpose and living life on purpose.  I really thought I was being original and clever when I started blurting out “you were created on purpose, with a purpose” and when I started working on a project that would help women get pointed on course to live life on purpose.

*INSERT DEFEATED MOMENT*

So if we’re all talking about helping people live their lives on purpose then why are so many folks still struggling?

My opinion, ultimately it’s the same reason why weight loss programs, fad diets, and get rich quick schemes will never go away.  People have to want it enough to make changes in their daily routines.

There will always be a need for diets, exercises, recipes, success tips, and encouraging words to motivate you to live on purpose because we tend to me inconsistent and want instant gratification. Unfortunately lasting weight loss, lasting health, success, and living life on purpose can’t be accomplished quickly and stick around for long.  It takes commitment, persistence, intentionality, planning, focus, desire, perseverance.

And that sounds painful, right?

Which is more appealing to you?:

5,000 Daily Disciples That Lead To Success And It All Depends On Your Level Of Commitment

or

3  Quick Tips For Success

Right? Right?!?!?!!

I get it, I get it.  Psychology.  I GET IT!  I’m the same way.

I want quick and easy too – but I’ve learned just because some spits out 3 easy tips for me, they’re just void words on a page unless I put them into action – often.

You want to live life on purpose, right?  Do you know your purpose? I remember when my friend and mentor, Dr. Jason Brooks asked me “What’s your purpose?” and I was first of all  – caught off guard and second of all – rambled on for about 10 minutes sharing all my passions, talents, and gifts … but never really gave him a straight answer. That was the moment I realized I wasn’t living life on purpose because I wasn’t even sure which direction I was headed.

So let me ask you, what’s your purpose?  What’s your dreams and goals and how do you plan to get there?  Have you started yet or are you waiting?

If you’re waiting – when do you start?

What are you waiting for?

As Dr. Brooks says (and I steal often), what is one step you could take today to help you get closer to your dreams?  It doesn’t have to be this HUGE thing … just one small step … today.

Truly it’s the small, daily steps that get us further down the road than if we never move at all or if we only take BIG GIANT steps once a year and then burn out.

Ain’t nobody got time for burnout.  We’ve got work to do and we don’t have much time to do it.

I want to encourage you to map out your plans.  Set BIG long term goals and daily obtainable goals. Take an inventory often to ensure you’re staying on task. Give yourself grace.  Seek Jesus like crazy and remember “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” (Proverbs 16:9)   Always leave wiggle room for God to interrupt your plan.

You were created on purpose, with purpose – that’s not a high pressure thing … it’s an amazing opportunity!

Run the race, girl!

You are dearly loved.

April

 

 

When Enough Is Enough

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Are you fed up?  Can’t take anymore?  Need things to change?

Have you tried before and it didn’t work?  You slipped back into old habits and old ways?

Are you tired of complaining?  

When is enough, enough?

Dave Ramsey says that “you have to be sick and tired of being sick and tired – before you make a change.”

I agree.  That’s what happened to me and everything changed because I made a change.

I’ve learned that you’ll stay stuck unless you start implementing new thoughts and behaviors into your life.

So how?  How do you do that?  How do you begin the process?

Here are three things to implement when you’ve gotten to the point that enough is enough.

Continue reading

It Is Finished

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The love of Jesus changes everything.  Everything.

There is no hopeless situation with Him.  None.

The power of Christ is not limited by our weaknesses … in fact His power is made perfect in our weakness.

Jesus doesn’t need perfect conditions to work.  Jesus doesn’t need everything to line up to perform miracles.  That’s why they’re miracles.

And He’s not out of miracles.

Jesus said “It is finished.”  He said it.  He meant it.  It is finished!  Whatever it is for you – it’s finished.

Your past – finished.

The old you – finished.

All those mistakes that you’ve made and will make – finished.

All the guilt and shame – finished.

Depression – finished.

Sickness – finished.

Death – finished.

You can live every day with joy regardless of your circumstances because your circumstances don’t change who Jesus is and what He’s done. Your circumstances don’t hinder Him in any way.

Take heart.  Don’t grow weary.  Have hope.  Hope does not disappoint.

Celebrate the victory.

It is finished, friend.

In Jesus’ mighty and powerful name.

You are dearly loved.

April

 

 

A Grateful Heart

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The seeds of depression cannot take root in a grateful heart. When we welcome each day with a grateful heart and eager expectation of how God is going to show up – it changes everything.

I made cookies the other day.  My daughter, Trinity, was really excited when she saw that I was baking them.  The smell of chocolate chip cookies filled our home.  When they were done baking, I sat them out to cool.  Once cooled, I put some on a plate for my daughter and poured her a glass of milk.

It made me happy to have a yummy treat for Trinity.  As moms we love to give to our kids and we love to see them happy.

Trinity skipped into the kitchen to collect her cookies but when she saw the plate on the table the look of disappointment filled her eyes and the first thing out of her mouth was, “Ugh! I got small cookies.”

And just like that … I saw a reflection of myself.  A reflection of us.  I saw a reflection of humanity.  I saw a reflection of the church.

I sat down with Trinity and told her that she looked at the plate and she saw three small cookies.  What she didn’t know is that I was only going to give her two cookies but decided to give her one extra.  What she didn’t know is that the three cookies I gave her were the three with the MOST chocolate chips.

I had given her the best – and in abundance … but she just saw three small cookies.  Once I explained to her the story behind the cookies she felt silly, her perspective changed and she was grateful.

I wonder how often God gives us His best and our eyes only capture the minimum.  We have got to be able to believe past what we see or we’ll always be in bondage in one way or another. 

The scripture says our Father has lavished us with great love (1 John 3:1, Ephesians 1:8). The word lavished means to bestow something in generous or extravagant quantities upon.  Do you receive that love?  Do you allow God to lavish you with great love or are you always seeing that you didn’t get enough?

You have no idea when God allows for one EXTRA  … just because… just because He loves to give you good gifts.  You have no idea when God picks out the best for you … just because you mean so much to Him.

I pray that God would help us see our sense of entitlement and that we would turn in repentance and develop hearts of gratitude.  

You have a choice today to see past the natural.  You get to choose your attitude as you go throughout this day.  God is constantly lavishing us with great love and great gifts.  Don’t miss them because your gift doesn’t look like someone else’s or doesn’t look like a lot.

May you choose to have your heart overflow with gratitude today, friend.

You are dearly loved.

April

 

Are Your Friends Toxic?

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I speak from experience.  I spent years being in bondage to unhealthy relationships.  I used to look through the window of other relationships and think, ‘hm… they seem to have a healthy friendship.  Why are mine so toxic?’

You ever hear that saying, “be the type of friend you want others to be to you”?  Well, that was my first problem.  You are who you hang with and my behaviors were toxic and similar to the chicks I was hanging with.

So what happens when you wake up one morning and want to change?   Continue reading