I am constantly making a joke with my friends about being a horrible mom. I’m not really a horrible mom but I think all mothers, at some point, feel like they are. I’m the type who takes it up a notch (a lot) with my friends to see who can trump who with the “I’m the worst mom ever” award. Stand back, ladies … It’s all mine. Why? Because I’m the mom who got kicked out of “The Mommy’s Group”.
Are you apart of one? You know, the private Facebook groups where all the mommies come and share their experiences, successes, failures, etc? Yeah, I got kicked out of that.
I actually got kicked out a long time ago and didn’t realize it until I wanted to ask a question and realized that I needed to be ‘added’ in order to join. **Insert ridiculous crying emoji and punching fist.**
I mean, I guess it makes sense. I really don’t give a crap whether you breast feed or formula feed, homeschool or public school, vaccinate or not vaccinate, and I tried the Baby Bjorn strappy carrier thing like 2 times and it made me and my child sweat like crazy, and couldn’t figure out how to wrap my most recent baby with the wrappy thingies that everyone is spending thousands of dollars on 18 different colors! I don’t have a clue about essential oils (although I’m not against them), I think Mary Jane … or Matilda Jane, whatever her name is, clothes are really ugly, and I let my 7 year old watch the movie Mean Girls the other night. I was NEVER going to survive the Mommy’s Group. NEVA!!!!
I’m not trying to hate on the mommy groups, I’m just poking fun to get to another point.
In order to be apart of this particular mommy group you had to continuously abide by their rules. Now, their rules weren’t bad but they had the typical rules such as the “Vegas Rule … what is said here, stays here. Fair enough. But they also had rules where you needed to post so often and attend their outings, and some others that I obviously didn’t read or keep up with which led to my demise in the group.
I’m writing about this now because something struck my heart over the weekend. I am a working mama. I pretty much always have been over the past 8 years with a couple of breaks here and there. I love working! I choose to work. Where I live that is not the norm.
We were attending a church a while back and I hit it off so great with another mommy. When we finally exchanged numbers we could not wait to hang out until she asked me THE question, “Do you work?” Let’s just say that particular mommy and I never hung out and not only that, but we never really talked after she found out I was a working mama. No hard feelings, seriously. I totally get that working mamas and stay at home mamas are on two different schedules … but really? Just one more area where I don’t fit. Please don’t misunderstand this as a pity party, if you’ve read any of my posts about being a misfit this just goes right in line with those. You check out those posts here and here.
The whole point of this post and what is stirring on my heart is simply this: If I measure my mommy success by which groups accept me then I will always be a failure… maybe not at first but eventually. I just can’t keep up.
If you allow others to set the rules and standards for your life, you will always be living up to their expectations. You will always be striving to gain their approval and what happens when you can’t keep up? What happens when you get kicked out?
God has revealed many things to my heart during this season of life. We constantly laugh at the fact that I couldn’t even stay accepted in the Mommy’s Group. I could easily be a victim but I’d rather find the humor.
I pray that you’ll stop striving in this season. Stop trying so hard to fit and force people and opportunity in your life. Stop letting people’s opinions and standards be the driving force for your agenda. Stop letting the fear of pleasing people take away from your God given talents and gifts. You were made for incredible purposes. You were designed with treasures that only YOU can offer to this word. If you are constantly conforming to the pattern and behaviors of this world, you are robbing us of all the great things you were put here to share and accomplish. We need you, not a carbon copy of someone else.
Authenticity either draws people to you or pushes people away. People are pushed away because your realness scares them. Your realness stirs the realness in others and when people are not living authentic lives they are afraid your light is going to expose their darkness… and so they run. But when people are real, your realness makes their soul leap with relief! You know that saying, “real knows real”? Your authentic heart comforts their authentic heart like a warm blanket and makes them feel as though they are not alone in this world.
We need more realness, ya know? So whether you’re in the Mommy’s group or not – you’re needed, wanted, and accepted. Don’t miss the places and people that truly love you because you’re so focused on the ones that rejected you. Trust me, if I can carry on, so can you. I mean I am the one who got kicked out of the Mommy’s group. ;o)
I’ll leave you with Romans 12:2
“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”
…What do we need to let God change? Our thoughts.
You are loved!