Have you ever had a sandpaper moment?
A sandpaper moment (in April’s dictionary) is when someone says something negative (or seems negative) to you that causes a burn inside of you. Your first reaction is to become defensive, fall into victim mode, tell all of your other friends so they agree what a jerk that person was to you.
Whenever you have a sandpaper moment you have to evaluate who is calling you out and what their motives are. If someone from the sidelines of your life, who doesn’t really know you, tries to call you out on something – you can take that, evaluate it if you want, and then flush it down the toilet. If it’s someone who is close to your heart, who loves you, lifts you up, and wants to see you do well in life- eh, they may be on to something.
Although we do need to be surrounded by people who love us and want to see us succeed, they don’t have to be people who agree with everything we say and do or people who are afraid to challenge us to be better. The people closest to us see our blind spots.
Most of the time the only reason we get so offended by being called out is because we know what they’re saying is true. We just couldn’t believe how easily they saw our ‘ugly’ area in our life. Once the ‘ugly’ is called out we can’t deny it anymore. We’re forced to face the ‘ugly’ and then decide what we’re going to do with it.
I’m in a season where I’m being sandpapered like CRAZY! I don’t know who opened the flood gates but it seems like every day, multiple times per day, I’m receiving some sort of constructive criticism from people who love me enough to tell me the truth even if it hurts my feelings.
Their motives are good. They believe in me and they see where I’m hindering myself.
I don’t know about you but I want to be better. I don’t want to run this race of life on the hamster wheel. I want to throw off everything that’s holding me back and run this race and actually get somewhere. I want to grow and learn and complain less!
So look around you. Do the people you roll with agree with everything you say? Do you do the same for them? Are you mad at someone who you know loves you but you don’t like something they said to you recently? Did they call out a blind spot?
We can always sit and discuss our feelings and how our friend didn’t have the right approach or timing … or how they came across as judgmental… and this may be true – but come on! Is there ever really a good time to hear something about yourself that you don’t want to hear?
I walk closely with very few people and they all know that I love them enough to tell them the truth. I love them enough to hurt their feelings (in love) and I love them enough to risk losing their friendship by disagreeing with them or calling them out on their junk and I expect the same in return.
Obviously there is a huge difference between being sandpapered by a close friend or mentor and being a part of a toxic relationship. Two totally different things that you don’t want to confuse. Again, “Who is saying it? What are their motives?”
Let’s not be too closed off to learn from the awesome people around us … even if it stings a little.
You are loved!