I wanted to share with you a letter that I wrote to myself in my journal. Let me set the scene for you:
This whole depression/anxiety thing has been quite a battle… I mean, for REAL. The enemy didn’t/doesn’t want to let me go easily. On July 4th I attended a 4th of July extravaganza event at my church. The whole setup was amazing and my family was having a great time. We were eating our picnic dinner when “out of nowhere” a ‘voice’ inside of my head said to me “You’re going to die at this event… something terrible is going to happen and you’re way out here in the country and no one will be able to get to you quick enough.” Immediately a shock of fear ran through me. I felt sick and lost my appetite (which I was upset about because I was tearing up some amazing potato salad at the time). :o)
I carried on though. Trinity wanted to play on all the kid bouncy things and I wanted to continue in fellowship with all of my sweet friends… so I did.
The next morning I had to return to work from the long weekend and as I was putting on my makeup a ‘voice’ inside of my head said to me “You should just kill yourself because you’re going to die anyway”. Talk about caught off guard. I was putting on makeup and had a blank mind for the most part. I was stunned by the comment. Then it came again “Seriously, you should just KILL YOURSELF because you’re going to die one day anyway”. I knew this was not my thought – that’s why I say a ‘voice’ inside of my head. It was one more HARD attack because the enemy could see the process of me being delivered and discovering my freedom AND that he has absolutely NO control over me.
I paniced though… I drove to work numb and in a fog – I cried. (Read the blog When I AM WEAK, THEN I AM STRONG from July 9th) This blog tells the rest of the story as far as how God showed me something in His Word and I chose to believe it and the rest of my day was fine.
We had our Cheers Group that evening (our small group from church). I talked with the ladies about what happened and the ‘voice’ in my head. They agreed to pray as intercessors for me. (I love them by the way.) I felt great that night at small group… it was as if the morning had never happend.
That night when I got home I wrote this letter to the ‘deceived’ April from the ‘FREE’ April. I thank the Lord that I haven’t had to reference back to this letter since July 5, 2011 but I came across it just now and wanted to share:
You are 100% normal and okay. You are just being oppressed right now. The enemy’s goal is to kill, steal, and destroy – his goal is NO different for YOU!
He cannot enter your mind or possess you… he can only whisper lies in your ear but YOU choose whether to believe those lies or not. Don’t believe them. Stand firm and he WILL flee. I know it seems so hard right now but this WILL pass. He will hit you with the works – death of your family, suicide thoughts, negative effect on your family because you’re not well, mental issues, unstable, going to lose your job, going to lose your husband and daughter, people will think you’re crazy. Physical aspects – loss of appetite, sick to stomach, waves of ill feelings. You may even experience the physical presence of darkness and anxious sensations through your body.
LIES, LIES, LIES, LIES, LIES, LIES!!!!!!!!!!!
DO NOT look that way. You are a child of God. Jesus has dies so that YOU could be free from bondage. God has great plans for your life and has allowed Satan to sift you – but the glory is to God. He is loosening chains in the backdrop of your life and you will be FREE!
“We will overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony.”
This is all a part of your testimony and will help to bring others to Christ. You can minister once God pulls this from you … even now He will use you because He uses the weak to lead the strong.
Stand firm and resolve that you are His precious child. You are forgiven and so loved. He knows exactly what you’re going through and knows how hard it is for you – BUT you have His strength in you! Believe it! You’re a child of the KING. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Lean on God, resist the devil and he will flee from you.
God’s Word is truer than how you feel and you ARE who God says you are.
Stand firm no matter how tiring. Stand.
I encourage you to write letters to yourself when you’re feeling good and thinking clear… or have precious friends write letters for you to tell you the TRUTH about yourself. Stay focused on what’s real. Resist the enemy and he WILL flee from you. I promise. … even better God promises… and He can’t lie. Hallelujah!!